The Brutal Truth About Healing: It's Not Always Pretty, and It's Never Easy

 

Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting.

People need to understand something about healing: just because someone says they’ve “moved on” or claims they’ve “healed” doesn’t mean the pain is gone. As long as your memory still works, that betrayal, that hurt, that thing you did to someone, it never truly disappears.

Emotional pain doesn't vanish like a deleted message. It lingers. It echoes. Just like physical wounds leave scars, emotional wounds do too. And those scars? They can reopen. 

Sometimes, the pain hits harder the second time around. Person A might have betrayed or deeply hurt Person B, and now B claims to have moved on, but the truth is, they are trying. Trying to hold themselves together. Trying to make sense of everything. Then suddenly, a small comment or reminder triggers and reopens the wound. And when that happens, it doesn’t just sting, it bleeds deeper than it ever did before.

People say, “Why is she overreacting now? She didn’t even act like this the first time.” What they don’t realize is, when a scar reopens, it hurts worse than the original wound. That’s the part no one talks about. Healing isn’t a straight path. It’s messy. It’s full of unexpected mood swings and moments when everything suddenly feels heavy again. That switch in someone’s mood? That random silence? It could be part of the process.

But here’s the painful truth: some people make it worse. They throw careless, insensitive words like, “It’s been months, why are you still angry?” "Why are you just trying to cause drama and bring up the past" or “You don’t have a reason to feel like this anymore, it happened a long time ago.” Those words? They scar the healing process even more. They do damage that can’t be seen, but can definitely be felt.

The person you think is “fine” might only look okay on the outside. Inside, they’re probably still bleeding from the words you said or the hurt they experienced. And then you go on to make a stupid, thoughtless comment. That’s how you tear open wounds people have been fighting hard to heal.

Healing takes time. It’s not on your schedule. People heal in their own time, at their own pace. And yes! They have the right to get angry, even over and over again. Because sometimes, anger is part of healing. They have the right to cry again. To feel broken again. That’s how healing sometimes works.

And just because you saw what you did to them as “small” or “not that deep” doesn’t mean their reaction is invalid. Their feelings are real. Their pain is real. Your actions, no matter how little they seem to you, can leave permanent damage. Some people say things that are genuinely irritating and dismissive. They act like hurt is something you can easily explain or get over. But hurt can’t always be explained. It breaks people.

Sometimes what you consider “minor” can lead someone into depression, self-harm… or worse, suicide. The pain of betrayal can feel unbearable. It builds up in the dark and explodes in silence. And so, even when someone says they’ve “moved on” or “don’t care anymore,” they might still be healing. Still trying to gather the broken pieces and fit them back together.

We need to be more observant. More gentle. Because if anything goes wrong during someone’s healing process, it can completely shatter the little strength they’ve managed to hold on to. Healing is fragile. One word, just one careless comment or action, can break someone who’s already barely holding on. One action you see as small could be the last straw for them.

Hurt leaves a permanent scar. Even when it seems like it’s healed, it can reopen. And when it does, it doesn’t ask for your permission or opinion. It just bleeds.

To those who have hurt someone, maybe a friend, family member or even partner and still seek forgiveness, I urge you: don't let your desire for absolution blind you to the reality of their pain. Don't let the weight of your guilt be lighter than the weight of their scars. Understand that forgiveness doesn't erase the hurt; it just makes it bearable. And even then, it's not always immediate. It's a process, a journey, a struggle. 

So, when you apologize, don't expect a resolution; offer a listening ear. When you seek forgiveness, don't demand it; earn it through patience and empathy. Remember, the wounds you've inflicted may never fully heal, but with genuine effort, they might become less debilitating. Your actions have consequences that extend beyond your own emotions. They ripple through lives, leaving lasting impacts. So, tread gently, speak kindly, and acknowledge the depth of your impact. For in the end, it's not about your forgiveness being granted, but about the hurt you caused being acknowledged and validated.

Understand their pain. If you need to apologize over and again for them to feel better, do it. Don't be harsh. Whether you said or did something hurtful to whatsoever degree, don't invalidate their reasons to be angry just because "it's 8 months ago". Mental Health Matters, don't shatter someone else's mental health, the pieces they've been trying to fit back together. You've been forgiven but what you did does not automatically go away. Everyone has their healing pace and it's valid. Be kind. 

Lastly, to those who have been hurt and are healing, your healing process is valid. Sometimes you randomly remember those moments even when you want to forget, you may see yourself getting angry over and again or even crying. It's all valid. 

Don't let anyone diminish your struggle or rush your recovery. Take your time, feel your emotions, and allow yourself to heal at your own pace. You are strong, resilient, and capable of rising from the ashes. Your story may be marked by hurt, but it is not defined by it. You are more than your scars; you are a testament to the human spirit's capacity for survival, growth, and transformation. Keep healing, keep pushing forward, and trust that one day, you'll emerge stronger, wiser, and more whole than you ever thought possible. Most importantly, you can't heal in the same environment you've been hurt. Prioritize your mental health. 

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!